2021 Life Haul!! 🤯😱😷

thot #5: on the weekend of the year

On sundays, i read poetry in bed and listen to the same songs i've been listening to all week, but louder. I open my instagram and throw on my stories, the most esoteric, philosophical quote, 7 songs on my mind, texts of love and kindness and womanhood. i text a few friends too. watch stories of other people at a club, at dinner, at brunch, on a picnic, and in love. I go through all drunk texts exchanged the previous night. apologise or accept an apology. complain of hangover. and drink more water than i drink all week. on sundays, I think. i ponder. i feel. and did I mention, i do it all in bed? 

Welcome to December: THE SUNDAY OF THE YEAR! 🥂

I don't think December is a month of its own. December is actually a moment of truth for all past 11 months to come face to face with each other for the first time, exchange a teary smile, and sit down holding hands, inside a bottle of wine.

I don't make new year resolutions. I have new year wants. and reflections. and realizations (and this time an actual rating and review lmao) Resolutions for me translate to obligation. Wants translate to challenge fucking accepted!

It's also the time for brands to sell your data back to you in form of yearly wrapups lol so here goes mine for no reason

2021: reflections and review

- I walked into this year crying over a boy who not only did not love me, but in fact wanted to die. I love him still a little bit I think? But it’s none of his business. 

- I also walked with green hair and a body that had randomly decided it doesn't like food anymore. Since then, I've only had the urge to undergo complete physical transformation in hope of dramatic life change - ONLY once. And I think I deserve credit for it. I also eat all three meals now (sometimes even 4) so wooot!

- I READ AND LISTENED TO SO MANY BROWN WOMEN!
I've been sad often and a lot these past 2 years and I was surprised HOW much of it had to do with men and white people. I felt done consuming media that was so incongruent to my actual lived experiences, so I turned to safer spaces for solidarity - brown women

Brown women I read: 
- Priya Alika Alias in Besharam: On Love and Other Bad Behaviors
- Richa Kaul Padte in Cyber Sexy: Rethinking Pornography 
- Jia Tolentino in Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion  

Brown women I'm still to read: 
- Tahmima Anam in The Startup Wife 
-  Sangita Jogi in The Women I Could Be
-  Lavanya Lakshminarayan in Analog/Virtual and Other Simulations of Your Future

Brown women I listened to:

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- I also think I finally hit a comfortable spot with leisure. Resting doesn't feel like a BIG throbbing guilt-ridden hit of anxious abomination anymore. It most likely had something to do with the fact that this year I was employed!? and leisure between constant raging mind-numbing sprints of capitalistic hustle - only feels what they call well deserved :)

out of context:

- Oh yeah and this year I was employed. I had a real job? that made be real money? and bought me real experiences? and a very very real sense of liberation? UNFKNREAL! I started this year off with a trifle internship stipend. Since then, I've made some..significant progress - to say the least. I have won the badge of 'careerist bitch', 'obscenely ambitious' and 'enticingly capitalistic' multiple times this year and I want to thank the exceptional startup community I had the chance to be part of and, my middle child crisis that makes me believe the only way I can be loved is by being successful :)

- That being said, I think the biggest of my accomplishments this year was that I actually got my mom to crack the humor in kaavyyaverse . She now not only doesn't get offended by the dark dumb shit I say but also giggles a little under her breath sometimes!? If you don't already know, brown mothers live (often only) through their daughters vicariously. Thank god my mom doesn't read this; chicca got no idea what a wild vicarious rager we’re gon be going down soon :)

- Oh yeah and guys, I started taking therapy this year!! Got to say I absolutely love it!? I mean my tarot girl did keep telling me this year was about healing ✨ and come to think of it, bet she was referring to actual therapy and not my spiritual chakras :)) Rid, if you're reading this, thank you for always listening. I mean I literally PAY you to, but bestie you know what I mean 👉🏽 👈🏽🥰

- What else, what else. Oh, I traveled a fair bit this year actually. Not as much as I would've liked to - but definitely more than I ever have. I still haven't been able to be as much of an outdoors girl per se. I mean I literally do not know how to ride a bicycle, swim, drive a car, OR play any sport decently. You could say that the only part of my body that moves without jarring - is my big mouth :) Progress on this, next year. I promise I really want! 😫

- I think one thing I've always been naturally good at though is - triggering ✨men✨ But this year, I think I fkn nailed it 😌

Want to know the easiest way to piss a man off? Read this 🧵below :
1/n: Be taller than them 
2/n: Be funnier than them 
n/n: Make more money than them 

If you liked this thread, don't forget to check out my Twitter where I try really hard to hold myself from tweeting all the nasty jokes I think - in fear of losing my job and never being employed again. Good thing I have thots for that :)

- Which bringsss me to the single most coolest thing I've done this year, guys. THIS! I started thots. My. very. own. newsletter. (feels weird to say it out loud, still) 

Because Hello? I don't know if you know but I'm like really scared of writing? and of words. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I DON'T KNOW ENOUGH WORDS, and definitely not the right ones.

Which is why..thots is not a blog. or a newsletter. or some piece of art. thots is me. it's my voice, and all of your voices cupped inside of me. And now I know that I need three instagram accounts, two twitter handles and this newsletter not because I'm obsessed with sharing but because these voices get too loud inside of me and I need to throw them out to be at peace. thots is actually a very selfish project.
I write it not for you to listen or read. I write it for it to be out of me.

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- What else, what else. Well, nothing beyond the pure bliss of youth, I guess. I mean what an absolute adventure it is to be a young, stressed, hot, extremely clueless 20 something girl in the throes of major global historical events. I absolutely love it. I did fuck up in irrevocable ways this year but I guess I had my shit together for the most part. Really looking forward to making some more cute, wild, life disparaging fuck ups next year that I can later sell as content on the internet. 😊

Overall this year:

Tears were moderate and energy was fresh. 2021 gets a 4/5 stars rating from kaav🤗

who will now be gone being not sober for the rest of the year 👉🏽👈🏽

But do share YOUR rating for the year 2021 with me in the comments below or email reply

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And of course,

• if you liked reading this thot, don’t forget to give me a kishmish (raisin) in the comments so I can enjoy a mild sugar rush 🍒 and,

• if you have feedback, please send it across with an akhrot (walnut) so I can put some more brain to it 🌰