digi-tales of love

thot 6: on all the ways we 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭, online

Google Search:
[18th August, 1:53 am] Is it possible to be in love with someone you've never met?
[18th August, 2:04 am] Is what I'm feeling right now - love?
[18th August, 2:11 am] Is this love real when I don't know if they are?
[18th August, 2:22 am] Am I real? 
[18th August, 2:38 am] Is any of us?
[18th August, 2:51 am] What is reality?

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I'm a sucker for nuance and I am obsessed with the obscure. I barely buy what is sold and empty out the shelf that was this close to being taken down.

So when comes the internet - the marketplace where each of us sells some part of us, I mostly like to look in between these sale pitches - to where lie the crevices in which - we all, collectively - feel.

These internet feeling crevices, are where I live.

Welcome home, fuckers!

thot fragments: on feelings and the internet

- Hate is a powerful word I was taught all my life..until I had someone text me

 OMG I HATE YOUUU!! 

once, and I felt love like I'd never felt before. Hate is still a powerful word, I think. Only now -  it means love. I'm thinking today of how the internet just woke up and chose to make love with hate 💜

- I'm thinking also of how every morning when I sit on my workstation, I open Spotify on my laptop and hover over what the only three people I follow in there are listening to. It’s funny because I'm not even that close to either of them and at least one of them will block me if they come to know I stalk them this way. To A, Y, R - thank you for choosing my music mood for me every day, even when you have no idea you do.

- Music on Spotify also reminds me of how I have a certain now estranged person's weekly discover playlist liked which means I get to see what their algorithm thinks they should listen to. We're not as connected as we used to be, but listening to their recommended music gives me hope — that one day we will meet again after years and suddenly realize that their new favorite song has been my favorite too. That day, we will have found each other again.

- Just like how I find the ashes to our connection settled under at least 130 other chat boxes on whatsapp. They don’t rule my notifications anymore, but they will always be the show stopper of my starred messages.

My starred messages on whatsapp - a museum of emotions in its own - a virtual alley of nostalgia I like to go down alone, often in the middle of the night — fingers scrolling through each message as if to wipe the dust off of each wordy souvenir

the whatsapp starred messages museum:
<google map location of hookup's house>
<wifi password to random network>
<star this message, bitch>
<on sunshine and holding hands>
<picture you looked cute in>
<voice note (duration: 3.5 mins)>
<pan card number>
<extremely nasty joke>
<that ONE time your dad said sorry>
<blurred: once cherished image you deleted
because your phone needed memory>
<drunk text from your crush in school>

 
- The drunk text said I love you. Well, don't they all? But, hear me out now.
I have a wild thot: what if we keep drunk texting people we don't want to because our machines are in love with each other. What if, when we were falling in love with the people we were texting, our digital nodes were falling in love with each other too. And now we're over each other, but those little naughty nodes (with no trauma projections) love each other, still. So when our drunk selves keep texting the wrong person, it's actually our machines sneaking out to meet each other.

Come out Alice, my human's drunk again.
I will see you midway on the server tonight.

I will be in my eggplant shirt. hope you will wear your peach dress too.

If your human isn’t as drunk as mine, they might hit that block again. This could be our last night together

Connect soon. Pings are on me.🍻

Your's beep-boopily, 
Bob x

THEY THINK YOU'RE CRAZY. NEUTRALIZE NOW!!

okay take this, (not really) out of context:

us wen 😫

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- I'm sorry but this is the kind of shit I think about ALL DAY. Sometimes also, of how we transactionalize(!?) relationships on the dot com

|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣|

e-girl wants you to
e-love the right way

|＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿|

\ (*◡*) /

\ /

——

| |

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• like how I found a bunch of people using a calendly link on twitter to book e-coffee dates with each other and realized I could never mechanize my relationships like that. it isn’t wrong. but it doesn't feel right.
  

  

• like when I read Visakan Veerasamy talk of having a literal slack server with his wife to better share experiences - in friendly ambitious nerd, for the first time, my instant emotional trail was: 
  
  1. OMG THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!
  2. but it is so sad 
  3. but it also does make sense?
  4. oh what have we all gotten ourselves into 
  5. but now that we’re here, why not reclaim that ABSOLUTELY EVIL MOST SATANIC YIKSY YIKES (*most stinky puke*) NERVE WRECKING TOOL and turn it into a reminder that we are loved <3 xoxo

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  Family Slack Server:

  “Quick Huddle?”
*everyone jogs to the living room, crams their heads together and decides what to eat*

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  (I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING IMAGINING MY FAMILY DO THIS OMGG! JWDBEDJBDFJCBD)
  
  But back on, for context, there's a couple of things Visa shares with regard to syncing couple calendars, scheduling 1-1s for the explicit purpose of discussing only difficult things and other marriage as project management tools - but this #feelings channel really stood out for me
  

  

- Can't talk of emotion trails without thinking of the sweetest antic that - this person who I speak to very frequently over voice notes on Instagram - and I share, where we would send each other LONG voice notes, usually loaded with passion for a subject and the tap react to the said vn would go something like

00:10 - 😍
00:17 - 😳
00:35 - 😂
00:59 - 😥

because like bestie you started off with a film you liked and how you relate to it to then making fun of your trauma to finally end on no fun and only trauma. MY FINGERS ARE PANICKING TO REPLACE THE REACTION I GAVE NO I DO NOT HAVE HEART EYES FOR YOUR PAIN

this, all while the other person endearingly watches this emoji flip at every moment

It's a small stupid thing, but it makes me feel warm fuzzy feels. Feels that start from my screen, but don't end after I keep my phone down. 

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from community thotluck:

I asked the freaks on Instagram all the ways they express/feel love digitally and this is what they had to say:
 

- J has a separate private instagram account that they share with their partner to only collate memories of their relationship. (Which I think, is EXTREMELY CUTE and 10/10 recommended)

- rand0m911 says:

- S, who is an artist feels that the dotcoms, dotins and doteths have helped them amplify their spectrum of expression as it enables them to share the very sweet digital art they create, to better express those feels. They also feel like they can be better listeners by holding space for people to be more vulnerable, as is expected online (I personally attest to this, because I see them not leave my chatbox even when I take years to find the right words to say - because whenever I do, it’s instantly read)

- V ensures they set an alarm for their partner on nights they pass out early
(hi, i am phone. my human is adam. i sense he slept. it's 1 am. i’m now waiting for veronica, my human's human to touch me with her cheeto fingers. i love cheetos x) 

- D endearingly shares links to new song finds 
- A felt sad they couldn't think of anything (I'm sorry I'm even mentioning this, but I'm sure after reading this, you will x)
- Bunch of people felt digital affection in absorbing each others texting lingos

- But most commonly shared, as also reported on thot #4 , I ask again

You tell me. Talk thots to me and contribute to the community thotluck here. Nothing is not accepted.

With that..its a wrap (at least for now). feelings and the internet coupled together is a subject close to my heart and there is no way one edition can contain it all.

Before I close, I wish to mention Rega Jha and her writings on internet culture who together have virtually groomed me into the person that I am. 

thank you all for reading

'nuff of that love, here's where we nut 

• if you liked reading this thot, don’t forget to give me a kishmish (raisin) in the comments so I can enjoy a mild sugar rush 🍒 and,

• if you have feedback for me, please send it across with an akhrot (walnut) so I can put some more brain to it 🌰

(yes, you can ‘type’ the nuts out if you don’t have the emoji)